How I deal with my anxiety

Hello everyone and welcome back to my blog if you are new then please come on in get cosy. My name is Charlotte I run a YouTube channel called"The Honest Mum" please check it out and subscribe, I also run this blog. 

Today I am going to be talking about something that affects so many people daily and that is anxiety. I suffer from anxiety and have done for a few years now and never really talked about it with anyone. I kept it in the dark and thought that people would judge me and think I was weird for being scared to go out. This made things a lot worse and its only recently where I have been reading about other peoples battles with anxiety that I do not feel alone and that lots of other people also suffer from it.

I don't take medication for my anxiety as I feel it wouldn't help and also my anxiety isn't bad everyday that I feel I need to be taking daily medication. Some days are better than others as you will know if you have anxiety. So because I don't take medication for it I decided that I would share with you all my no medicated ways of helping me deal with my anxiety so here goes: 

1. Downloading the app Head space- I downloaded an app called "Head space" I was skeptical at first to wether it would work or not but so far so good. I can go on the app every day and it will give me a 2-3 minute breathing exercise to do to try and control my anxiety. I really enjoy this app it is simple to use and only takes 5 minutes of your day and really relaxes you (also its free!) 

2. Anxiety journal- I recently have started writing an anxiety journal to help track my anxiety. I start of by writing how I felt when I woke up, something that has made me anxious today, something that has made me feel better today, rating out of 5 for anxiousness that a day, something I am proud of and lastly how I feel when I go to bed. This works really well as it lets me vent out my feelings and I can look back and see my progress of my anxiety. 

3. Pushing yourself- Another thing I have been doing which has helped is pushing myself. Some days I don't leave the house at all and that makes me feel worse. Recently I have been pushing myself to leave the house more, go to a baby group or to the shops even if I don't want to. It is important to push yourself further because it is no good staying in your comfort zone or you are never going to be rid of your anxiety. 

4. Planning and organising- Lastly I have been planning and organising my life a little better recently. I have a list of jobs for the day that I have to achieve. I make sure I get up and dressed and eat three solid meals a day too. Since having more structure in my life my anxiety hasn't been as bad because I find when I sit in front of the TV all day in pjs I feel 10 times worse.

So there we go my 4 top tips for kicking anxiety's butt. Do any of you have any tips for dealing with anxiety? I would be interested to know so comment down below! Thank you for reading and I will see you next time. 

The Honest Mum 

xoxo

Why I left YouTube

Hello everyone and welcome to a new blog post, if you a new hello and welcome to my blog The Honest Mum its great to have you. I have two things to address with you all today. The first thing is Blogmas, for those of you that are wondering what happened to blogmas this year I ended it. I ended it because Alice got ill and so did me and James, I got really behind and he stress of trying to catch up with it was not worth it. I hope to be able to do it next year but for that reason I have decided to stop this year. Secondly I would like to address why I left YouTube. I have made a full video on this which I will link down below for you so please check that out and subscribe to my channel it would mean a lot.

I have always had a passion to do YouTube and blogging for many years now. I started a YouTube channel when Alice was only 3 months old and I did upload a few videos on there however they were not the best quality or content I could of produced. I then started slacking and I had no enthusiasm or inspiration to film and I had a new born baby which I was focusing all my attention on so I gave up. Fast forward to present time and Alice is almost 1 and I have my mojo back. I feel inspired and ready to go back to YouTube. I have lots of great ideas and I am so excited to get back out there and show everyone my content. It has definitely been a rollercoaster but I am now ready to get on the roller coaster and ride it. Linked below is a link to my latest video if you could please watch it, like it and subscribe I would be very grateful. Thanks for reading this post and I will see you soon!

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXGND0ie2xs

The Honest Mum 

xoxo

Alternative advent calendars for children

The festive season is upon us and I am going to bringing you 25 days of blogmas. Everyday I will be giving you a christmas themed blog post revolving around motherhood and lifestyle. I am really excited to start this as I have so many creative ideas to share you with you all so check back everyday to see more! So without further a do I give you post number one!

When I was a child I remember being so excited for December to start partly because it was nearly christmas and for the simple reason that I got to eat a little piece of chocolate every morning. Now if you are sitting here thinking I am not sure I was my child eating chocolate every morning because they will be bouncing of the walls, or that you want to give them an advent calendar that is different than anyone they have had before then here are some ideas of different ones you could do!

1. 25 books- This year as Alice won't even be 1 we decided that we were going to do a book advent calendar. We got 10 books for £10 from the works so in total spent £25 altogether. This is a great idea as you could get christmas themed books and you and your child could go up to bed every night and unwrap a book and snuggle into bed.

2. Story of Jesus- Another advent you could use is a story of Jesus advent calendar. This advent tells the story of the day Jesus was born in little books that you and your little ones could read every night and they could learn all about the birth of baby Jesus.

3. Pound shop toys- This idea works really well if you have elf on the shelf in your home. You could purchase 24 toys from the pound shop, hide them around the house and leave trails and clues to find them.

4. 24 films- For the older children you could buy 24 christmas themed films for them to watch every nights. This idea is great because its not just for the children its fun for the whole family!


All these ideas are great to mix things up this christmas but I feel that each year the lead up to christmas is getting more expensive. Elf on the shelf leaving special presents, LOL dolls, Play Mobile and advent calendars all cost at least £20. It puts a strain on parents because they feel that because everyone else child will be getting an expensive calendar they feel they cannot deprive their child of one. I personally feel that a normal chocolate advent calendar is fine, when I was younger thats all there was, kids these days are spoilt for choice. However that is just my personal opinion, let me know what you think in the comments, are children's advent calendars too expensive? And what alternative advents are you doing? I would be interested to know! See you tomorrow for another post on 25 days of blogmas!

The Honest Mum 

xoxo

6 luxuries I took for granted before I became a mum.

From the moment you find out that you are pregnant you are labeled as a "mum". Once your baby is born thats it life is never the same again. Things that you took for granted before are now suddenly a luxury. Things you never even thought could be a luxury. So I thought I would share with you all my 7 luxuries now I am a mum...

1. Showering for more than 5 minutes- Once you have a baby it is pretty much guaranteed that you are not allowed to wash for more than 5 minutes. Fact. After 5 minutes your child will be screaming like the spawn of satan causing the neighbours to consider calling the police. Now I know what your thinking shower when they are asleep. I tried that but they know. They have some sort of weird sixth sense where they detect us going in the shower and think its time to wake up! 

2. Eating a hot meal- your baby can be the most content baby in the world but as soon as you sit down to eat your dinner it is the perfect time for them to; wake up, be sick, do a poo and want a bottle, meaning that you've abandoned your dinner to go cold again and are pandering to their every need.

3. Having a wee in peace- When you have a baby it is a well known fact that for the sort of next 5-6 years you will not be able to go to the toilet in peace. The only time that is possible is when they are asleep and as soon as you sit down on that toilet I can almost guarantee that they will wake up and need your undivided attention!

4. Sleeping a full eight hours in my bed alone- Sleep is a vital part of life and when you have a baby you get next to no sleep most of the time. Although it doesn't last forever at the time it seems like the sleepless nights are never going to end. In a bid to get some sleep you let them sleep in your bed and you say just for one night and then 5 years later there they are still taking up the majority of your bed most nights!

5. Not having endless rounds of washing and cleaning- I feel like since I had a baby all I do is wash, wash bottles, wash clothes, wash the baby. It never ends. It doesn't matter how many times I clean the house always looks a mess and the washing basket seems to magically refill the second I empty it!

6. Watching my own TV- I used to watch TV before I had a baby most days and I really took it for granted. Now all that is on my TV is Bing, The Twirlywoo's and many other mind numbing children's shows. I long for the day Alice outgrows CBeebies and the day I get to watch my TV for once!

I may be first and for most a mum but I was a person before I became a mum. I didn't watch CBeebies and play with toys. I didn't change endless nappies and wash bottles, I stayed up late watching Netflix and got up when I felt like it. There was no 5am wake up calls.  It was just me myself and I. I did what I wanted when I wanted. Now my life consists of CBeebies, nappies and bottles and I wouldn't have it any other way. Well maybe once in a while I would like to have a wee in peace but a mum can dream right?

Comment down below something you used to enjoy and took for granted before you came a mum, I look forward to reading them all!

The Honest Mum

xoxo

Review: AngelCare monitor

As a mother the most important thing is to ensure that your child is safe at night  when they are sleeping. In order to reduce SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome) it is essential that you pick a baby monitor that is going to alert you at crucial times. The baby monitor that we use is the "AngelCare baby movement and sound monitor and its great!

The monitor comes in three parts: 

part one: 

An under-the-mattress movement sensor pad comes with the set. You place the mat underneath the mattress and plug it in. Once plugged in and switched on, on the monitor when your child next lays on it if there is uneducated movement and breathing the monitor will alert you immediately. This is a great feature as it gives you peace of mind all the way through the night. 

part two: 

The Angelcare parent unit. This part of the set is the portable parent unit, it projects the sounds coming from your child's bedroom. You control all of the functions on this part. Furthermore it also tells you things such as temperature in the child's room. The device is portable so you can take it around the house and has a good signal range. 

part three: 

AngelCare the nursery. The nursery part goes in the child's bedroom and picks up any detected sound or movement. The nursery works in co-operation with the parent unit.  The nursery also allows the sensor pad to plug into it so it can work. 

The best thing about the AngelCare monitor is that all three parts work together to make sure that your child is safe at night. The sensor pad gives parents peace of mind when their children are peacefully sleeping. The monitor allows you to take it with you round the house so if your child wakes you can go see to them immediately. The monitor also has a temperature gage on it and will also alert you if it is too hot in your child's room. The monitor takes 4 standard double 8 batteries. The average battery life is around 3-4 days, we buy rechargeable batteries and change them when they run out. We have used this monitor since Alice was born and we love it. The monitor cost around  £80 and is currently on sale on Amazon, although it may cost a little more than other monitors it is certainly worth the extra pennies to ensure that your child is safe at night. Like I stated before we have used this since Alice was born and we have never had a problem with it, it has been a great reliable monitor and has really made us feel at ease. 

If you would like to purchase this monitor then here are some links below: 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Angelcare-AC401-Movement-Monitor-Sound/dp/B0013FW5G8

https://www.johnlewis.com/angelcare-movement-and-sound-monitor-ac401/p231136658

For information on more products made by AngelCare visit their website: 

https://angelcare-baby.com/UK/

The Honest Mum 

xox

Review: AngelCare bath support.

Bath time used to be a nightmare for us, Alice would scream and scream until we got her out. One day a friend suggested using an AngelCare bath support and since then bath time is one Alice's favourite times of the evening and its all thanks to the AngelCare bath support. For those of you that don't know what an Angel Care bath support is, it is a special seat designed for babies to sit in when in the bath, you can buy it in pink, blue, grey or green. Here is our one as you can see Alice loves hers!

What I love most about the AngelCare bath support is that it allows my child to sit in the bath without the worry that she is going to drown. Alice can comfortably sit supported in the seat and has done since she was 2 months old. The design of the seat allows you to fill the bath up higher than usual as it is angled so they do not lay flat in the water. The AngelCare bath support is perfect for families who don't have space to store a baby bath or would prefer to put their children in a big bath from a young age. The seat itself is made from plastic so is easy to clean, it also has holes to allow water drainage.  The price of the support is around the £20 mark which to me is a great price for a great product that will be used regularly. Alice has used this since around 2 months and is now almost 7 months and still fits in it comfortably, however now she is getting older I am thinking of purchasing the AngelCare bath seat as I loved the support so much. If you are looking for a sturdy, comfy bath support for your baby I would definitely recommend the AngelCare bath support.

Places you can purchase it from: 

1. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Angelcare-Soft-Touch-Bath-Support/dp/B00AWMV9CY

2. https://www.mothercare.com/supports-and-mats/angelcare-soft-touch-bath-support/LX5061.html

3. https://www.johnlewis.com/angelcare-soft-baby-bath-support/p231850148

If you would like to check out any of the other products produced by AngelCare then check out their website: https://angelcare-baby.com/UK/

If anyone else has used any other products by AngelCare then let me know as i'd love to try them out in the future. Thats all for now thanks for reading!

The Honest Mum 

xox

Easy recipe for busy mums!

 Anyone who knows me will know that I am not all that keen on cooking but quite recently I have decided to take it up. I have never been good at cooking in my life but now we are weaning Alice I decided to start teaching myself how to cook. I have only made three meals so far but they seem to be a success so I thought that I would share with you a quick and easy recipe for busy mums, because lets be honest we haven't got all day to make a five star 3 course meal right?

Recipe: Chicken and bacon pie

Ingredients: 

1. Half a cooked chicken or frozen chicken chunks 

2. Half a packet of bacon 

3. Mushrooms 

4. 1 onion 

5. Vegetable stock cube 

6. A tbsp of olive oil 

7. Frozen pastry (or make your own if you are clever!)

Method: 

1. Heat olive oil in a pan 

2. Prepare and chop the onion and mushrooms

3. Chuck the chicken in the pan (if uncooked) along with the bacon, cook until browned. 

4. Add the vegetable stock cube

5. Throw in the onion and mushrooms 

6. Roll out the frozen pastry into a rectangular cooking dish 

7. When the onion is clear and the mushrooms are cooked spoon out the ingredients into the dish on top of the pastry 

8. Roll out more pastry and lay gently over the top 

9. Put a cross shape over the middle of the pastry with a knife to vent the pie 

10. Heat the oven to about 280 degrees, place the pie in the oven until the pastry is golden on top and slightly browned. 

11. Let pie cool down for about an hour, using a serving spoon dish pie out on to plate with either chips or mash and vegetables its your choice and your done!

Overall this pie takes about 45 minutes to prepare and make therefore making it a quick and easy meal for the whole family! Like I stated before I am not the greatest at cooking but this was very simple to make and didn't take much time at all and tastes delicious so why not give it a go you might be pleasantly surprised.

All the best (has anyone else gone Mrs Hinch mad?)

The Honest Mum 

xox

feeling like a complete failure.

The one thing I was most worried about when I found out that I was pregnant was that `I was going to be a complete fail of a mother. I would spend many nights worrying that my unborn child has no idea what kind of life they are coming into and what kind of mother they would have. I would drill it into my head that I had to be the perfect mother and nothing less, but I was so wrong. You don't have to be the perfect mother as long as:

1. Your child is alive and well.

2. Happy

3. Fed and watered

4. Is wearing clean clothes

5. Has a clean nappy

6. And is smiling

If your child is all those things then you do not need to worry you are doing great. Often as mothers we put too much pressure on ourselves to be the perfect mother but as long as our child is alive and well nothing else matters. Who cares if your house is a mess. Who cares if you haven't taken your child out to baby groups. Who cares if your child isn't dressed today. None of that matters, all that matters is that you have done the bear necessities to keep your child alive and happy and for that you should be proud. Everyday is constantly a challenge when your a mum and we all feel like a fail sometimes because we feel we could of tidied the house better or gone out for the day but instead we didn't but thats okay because you did what needed to be done and that was making sure your child is okay. So next time you feel like a failure and you feel like your not good enough just remember your first and most important job is to keep your child alive and well and if you've done then they are doing more than enough.

The Honest Mum 

xox 

5 things we vow to never do when we become parents but do anyway.

When you think about one day having children in the future you imagine what life would be like as a mother and all the great adventures you and your bundle of joy will embark on. You watch other mums out with their children and you think my child will not be doing that or that and definitely not that. we've all done it, vowed that our children will not be doing this in that but in reality after several months you finally give in and do all those things that you vowed not to do! Here are 5 things I vowed to not to do when I had a baby but have already done in the first 6 months.

1. Watching programmes like Peppa Pig, Telletubies and In The Night Garden-  I swore I would never expose my child to the absolute rubbish that is them programmes but Alice isn't even 6 months old and I have watched the Peppa Pig series on Netflix a 100 times. Total fail.

2. Sleeping in our bed- Another thing we swore we would never do is let our child sleep in our bed but that didn't quite go plan. Some nights Alice is up a 100 times in the night and we are exhausted and the only way to get her to sleep is to put her in our bed. We shouldn't but when we are that tired we cave in.

3. Let her watch the Ipad- Yet again something else I said I wouldn't do but some mornings the only way to get her to stop crying is to let her sit in bed and watch Peppa Pig on the Ipad. I know I shouldn't be exposing her to screens at an early age but its unfortunately just the way modern generation are these days.

4. Let her stay up late- Some nights she stays up as late as 9pm. Bad I know. I vowed that she would always be in bed and settle by 7pm but sometimes life doesn't always go the way you planned it. Some nights she's just not tired or over tired and screams until I pick her up so I give up and let her stay awake until she falls asleep.

5. Food- I have recently started weaning Alice and I was adamant that I would never feed her anything bad like junk food until she was old and today at almost 7 months old she had a McDonald's chip, a bite of a chocolate muffin and a lick of my strawberry milkshake. Mum police come at me.

We all have expectations of things we will and won't do when we have children and sometimes we get so adamant that they are not going to do this and that but when the time comes and your child is screaming for Peppa Pig or a McDonald's chip I say give in. Life is too short to argue with a toddler. If they want it then they are not going to stop until they get it. Comment down below some of things that you said you would never do as mum but have given into it will be interesting to know.

The Honest Mum 

xox

Its okay not to be okay

This post here goes out to all the mums who are struggling. To the mum who had next to no sleep last night. To the mum who has been up since 5am. To the mum who has told their child off several times already this morning. To the mum who has picked up countless toys and washed countless bottles. To the mum who is hiding in the bathroom. To the mum who feels like giving up, its okay to not be okay.

As a mum we do nothing but love and care for our children 24 hours of the day 7 days a week. It is a full time job except their is no sick days, or holidays and you don't get paid to do this. Nobody can prepare you for motherhood. No one can prepare you for the long nights, the lack of sleep and constant worry that you feel, am I good enough? Is my child happy? What can I do better. Some days I stand there over Alice's cot and watch her peacefully sleeping and think to myself "Mummy will try better tomorrow".

Some days I get dressed, others I don't. Some days I leave the house and other days I stay in. Some days my house is spotless other days I let it slide. Some days my child is played with, read to and sung to other days I sit her in front of the TV for the most part. We've all been there. Some days you feel like your on top of the world and you think I've got this whole motherhood shit and others day you break down several times wondering if will ever get easier and thats okay. We are all human. We all have those days where we feel like we can't cope, and there comes a time where we all reach breaking point and we sit there and we cry. We cry because we feel like we failed our children. We cry because we feel like they deserve a better mum. We cry because we're tired and worn out and that we dedicate our life to looking our children but who looks after us?

Some days I fake a smile and pretend that everything is okay when deep down its not. Deep down I want to go back to bed and block the world out. I feel awful for even thinking that. I should want to get up and spend time with my child and play with them, but some days I just don't feel like it. I think to myself I don't feel like being a mum today and that makes me feel even worse that I would even think that but its the truth. You can't hid from the truth. You can put a brave face on but what does that achieve? lying to yourself that your okay. Nothing. It achieves nothing. You don't have to hid behind a smile, no one is going to judge you if you cry. No one is going to think your a bad mum for wanting 5 minutes to yourself. We are all drowning in this sea of motherhood desperately trying to gasp for air.  The shore seems far away and you long for the coast guard to come rescue you but as the days go on and you drift further and further out to sea you begin to get tired and you feel as though you can't carry on but thats okay because once you've hit rock bottom the only place to go is up.  Motherhood is one of the most challenging journeys you will ever go through and we all strive to do our best for our children day and day out but sometimes it all gets little bit too much and thats when its okay not to okay.

The Honest Mum 

xox 

We all have our down days but if they persist then please reach out to your doctor, your midwife or health visitor and seek advice because although its okay not to be okay if you are constantly feeling down then seek medical advice as it could be postnatal depression. Don't suffer alone and get the help you need. For more information on postnatal depression or if you think you may have it look on the NHS website for support on where to go for help. 

The joys of kids TV

If you are a parent I can 99% guarantee that some point in your life you have endure the weird and ever so mind numbing Cbeebies. Cbeebies is a children's channel that shows a variety of children programmes throughout the day and runs from 6AM until 7PM. It has entertained children for many years and now I find myself sat there throughout the day watching Cbeebies with Alice and the more I watch it the more it begins to grate on me so I thought I would share with you some of things I find strange on Cbeebies.

1. Mr Tumble- now most people who watch Mr Tumble will think it is a sweet inocent programme that encourages sign languages and includes children who have special needs. Although that is the main focus of the programme ew also see Mr Tumble dressed up as many different characters such as Aunt polly... that is something I don't need to see first thing in the morning.

2. BING- now I have written a whole separate blog post on this if you'd like to read it but to sum it up Bing is a spoilt bunny who lives in a weird world where teddy bears come to life and care for the children and he walks around talking like he's two when in actual fact hes more like 5. The aim of the programme is to teach children a lesson however I think they are teaching them how not to talk properly instead!

3. The Twirlywoo's- I mean what even is the Twirlywoo's. Four weird little creatures who live on submarine with a little spiky thing that has a secret whole in the wall where he hid's from the Twirlywoo's. Each episode they seem to learn about something like 'spinning' and they go to some place which is real life with real people and try out the theme of each of episode and then suddenly fly back into their submarine and chase some rings around and inflate 10 times the size and ends I mean whats up with that?!?!

4. The Telletubbies- enough said.

5.  Abney and Teal- Abney and Teal is on every night at bedtime hour and it the strangest programme ever. To start with why does a little girl live on a island with a teddy, where is her parents?!?! Why are they always eating porridge and where are they getting the mixture from as they never leave the island. Lets talk about Bop they always refer to Bop as a male but in one episode Bop has babies somehow!?! Also whats up with Neep making holes everywhere, and what even is Neep I think he is supposed to be a radish but I am not 100% sure and don't even get me started on Toby Dog get some new material!

I could rant on forever and ever about Cbeebies and the weird things that we expose our children to everyday but children seem to love it and I will never understand why but all I know is that Alice loves it and it has taken over my TV and that I long for the day where she turns around and says I do not want to watch Cbeebies that is for babies. But until then I will keep sliding down the rainy-bow as flappy birds fly over me as I sign can I have some porridge please (god I need to get a life)

If you have made it this far then thank you for reading comment down below some things that grate on you about Cbeebies!

See you soon

The Honest Mum 

xox

Things every parent has thought whilst watching Bing

Its the start of a brand new day and I am sat downstairs with Alice and I flick on the TV and turn it over to Cbeebies where I hear 'My names Bing and i'm on CBEEBIES!' and think oh great its time for Bing.

Alice loves Bing the lovable bunny and although its not one of the worst programmes that is shown on Cbeebies such as 'In the night garden' or 'The Teletubbies' I find the show quite bizarre and sure many of you do to, I get that it is a childrens TV show but there are just some things that don't make any sense for example:

1. What an earth are Flop, Amar and Paget? Are they teddy bears? Are they Bing, Zula and Pando's mum or dad? If they are then why are they half the size of Bing, Zula and Pando? If they are their parents then where is Bings mum and Zula and Pando's dad? Flop, Amar and Paget seem to be their parents but they never call them mum or dad so who knows!

2. Secondly why does Bing never talk properly? I understand that he is meant to be a small child possibly a toddler and hasn't learnt how to talk properly but it doesn't send out a good message to children when he is saying things like "decolorating"  '"falled" and " stealed" because children will copy and start saying them too!

3. Everything is always a Bing thing, like baking its a bing thing, slides its a bing thing and fireworks its a bing thing. Now it doesn't take a genius to work out that all those things that Flop is claiming to be a 'Bing thing' were done many years before bing was even created!

4. Lets talk Pando. I mean whats up with Pando and why is he never wearing any trousers?! He takes them off anywhere he feels like, the other day he took them off in the middle of the park and his carer/mum/who ever the hell she is Paget didn't even question it and just picked them up of the floor! He even removes them in the title sequence. Not a great message you want to be portraying to kids that they can just strip off whenever they feel like!

5. When the title sequence starts we see Coco and Charlie outside Bings house with a teddy/dad/mum/whatever the hell they are who is red, they are on the phone and get in a car and just abandon Coco and Charlie and they are never to be seen again, I haven't seen them in any episodes. Quite often Coco and Charlie come round to Bings but the red teddy/mum/dad/whoever the hell it is never seems to make an appearance

6.  Why has everything got a name in Bings house for example the hoover is called "voo voo" the picnic basket is called "wheelie" why can't it just be called a picnic basket and a hoover! Who knows, I guess calling them there actual name would make too much sense.

7. Something else that baffles me is that Bing, Coco, Charlie, Pando and Zula seem to be the only animals of that size in the whole town. The rest of the town seems to be populated with those weird walking teddies that seem to run everything in the town like the shop ETC... but then there is a cat called Arlo who seems to be a pet that lives outside the shop. Bing is a bunny so wouldn't he also be a pet but somehow he has the ability to walk and talk like a human?!?

8. No matter how many times you watch it Bing is really a quite badly behaved little bunny. He never listens in the first episode he doesn't listen to Flop and runs outside and gets frightened by the fireworks, he also pops ballonie when Flop told him not to jump on him like that. Bing also gets his book wet in the bath after being told books don't like baths. Bing is also impatient and walks in front of the swing and gets hit by Pando, he hits Zula when she takes Hoppity away from him. He also puts Zula's shoe down the toilet so she can't leave! Not the kind of message you want to send to your children!

Although Bing is a very obscure programme which sometimes gives out the wrong the message, I can't help but find myself singing sliding down the rainybow and saying "Its a bing thing" more often that not. I don't think I will ever understand the quirky and the weird things that goes on in Bing but Alice seems to love it and like I said before there are much worse things she could be watching on the TV!

Not understanding the weird shit that goes on in Bing... Its a Bing thing!

The Honest Mum 

xox

What do you do all day?

Ah maternity leave, a time for basking in the joy of your new bundle of joy. A time for you to relax and settle into motherhood. Well thats what I thought it was going to be like but instead I find myself knee deep in nappies, still in my pjs at 3pm and watching Bing for the 100th time today.

For those of you that worked before you had your baby you will 100% understand where I am coming from when I write this post, those of you who didn't work will still be able to relate to this post on many levels.

Ever since I had Alice 6 months ago all I ever seemed to get asked lately is 'what do you do with all your time? You must be bored at home by now, I bet you can't wait to go back to work' and when people say things like that I don't quite think they understand just how much I do in one day, granted yes most of the time I am at home all day but I am by far sat there doing nothing. So I thought I would give you all an insight into my day.

6AM: Alice wakes up screaming. Go into Alice's room and try to settle her back to sleep.

6:30AM: finally get up because there is no chance of Alice going back to sleep. Try and go to the loo but Alice is screaming so much I give up hope.

7AM: Change Alice's nappy and give her a bottle

7:30AM: try and eat breakfast but give up as Alice just wants to be held. Entertain Alice (shake a load of noisy toys around and until she stops crying)

8AM: try again to eat my breakfast that is now soggy

8:30AM: wash Alices bottles

9AM: change Alices nappy again and watch Cbeebies

11AM: fight with Alice to get her to sleep again as shes clearly tired but wont sleep

12PM: finally get Alice to sleep and yet again wash more bottles

1PM: attempt to tidy the house but give up and sit on the sofa watching tv whilst eating junk food

2PM: Alice wakes up and then I get annoyed at myself that I haven't done any house work whilst shes asleep

3PM: change Alice's nappy again and feed Alice

4PM: watch more Cbeebies whilst I try to tidy up

5PM: give up with the house work and crash on the sofa and receive a call from James saying he'll be home soon.

6PM: run around like a headless chicken trying to make the house look half decent

6:30PM: put Alice in the bath and get her ready for bed.

7PM: settle Alice and put her to bed

7:30PM: Make dinner for me and James and wash bottles again.

8PM: sit down to eat dinner. Alice starts crying. Put down dinner and spend an hour trying to settle.

10PM: collapse in bed.

I thought before I had Alice that my job was the hardest job I had but turns out being a mother is so much harder. There is no lunch breaks or coffee breaks. No holidays. It is getting up everyday and watching countless kids programmes, endless nappies and cleaning bottles. It is singing nursery rhymes and playing with toys. If you are ill there are no sick days. No matter how you feel you have to get up with a smile on your face because your child needs you. It is so hard but when you see them smile for the first time, roll over the first time, say their first word it make its all worth it.

Stay at home mums don't have it easy, we don't just sit at home all day watching tv, we are always on the go always doing a million and one things. So many people ask me what I do with my day and I always say 'what don't I do with my day?'

Love The Honest Mum 

xox

Happy holidays or holiday from hell?

Ah holidays, the thing we look forward too all year long. We count down the days, go holiday shopping and dream of laying on the beach, sun in our faces without a care in the world. However this year our holiday was nothing like that.

Picture this, its 100 degree's, 4 adults and 3 children aged 4 months old, 7 years old and 10 years old set off on holiday at 4am, one car and one van because we have that much stuff we had to rent a van. After several hours and stopping to let my niece be sick in a lay by we arrive at Haven holiday park in Hastings where the 7 of us will live in close quarters for the next 7 days in a caravan. It sounds like a nightmare doesn't 7 people living on top of each other 2 toilets and one tv. Myself and James had the double bedroom, my two nieces shared one room, my mum and Alice shared another and my brother slept in the lounge.

The first day when we arrived it was only half pasted 7 in the morning so nothing was open not even reception so we decided to all head down to the beach in Hastings, my two nieces extremely excited to be on holiday blowing up their rubber rings to go in the sea. Alice was not all that happy as she had been up since 3am and was sick of being in the car. We parked up, grabbed everything but the kitchen sink and set up camp on the beach. My nieces were unhappy as there was no sand on the beach only stones so they couldn't build any sandcastles however we still had fun and even Alice went for a dip in the sea but she was not impressed! After arguing for several minutes with my nieces about putting on sun cream we were finally ready for some fun in the sun. After some gentle persuasion I even managed to get James to come in the sea which is rarity and where he shortly after got stung by a jellyfish, just his luck! My nieces then decided they no longer wanted to swim in the jellyfish infested waters so we packed up all our things and headed back to the campsite.

By the time we got back to the campsite the pool was now open so we went to reception to get our passes and decided to go for a swim. When we arrived at the pool it was your typical british holiday scene, both the indoor and outdoor pool were packed like sardines, there was no where to sit and it was really loud and noisy. After spending a few hours in the pool finally our caravan was ready. We went in and relaxed for the rest of the day whilst my younger niece decorated her's and her cousins bedroom with cat things because she is cat mad, she brought everything but the kitchen sink I kid you not she even brought a cat draught excluder!

The first night went well and Alice slept all the way through because she was exhausted, my nieces got up super early which came back to bite us later in the day when they were very tired and moody later that night. That night we decided to go down to the kids entertainment but Alice stayed at the caravan with James as she would of hated, neither of my nieces would join in and wanted to go in the arcade more than anything!

The rest of the holiday flew by and before we knew it we were on our way home, stuck in traffic, Alice had pooed and I had sang baby shark the 100th time whilst my nieces argued over the name of an Abba song and our holiday had come to an end!

Would I do it again? Questionable. I feel that Alice was a little too young to go on holiday and struggled with the change in routine. I know she wont remember it but James and I will and one day when she's older we will tell all about her first holiday and how much of a nightmare it was. Looking back at it now it was a nightmare but was also a lot of fun, I haven't documented it all in this post just  a few of things that happened but I just wanted to share with you all some memories of Alice's first holiday!

Love The Honest Mum 

xox 

You are not alone

Having a baby is one of the most life changing journeys you will ever embark on and it doesn't matter what age you are nothing can quite prepare you for parenthood.

When I found out I was having a baby I was happy and scared at the same time, I couldn't wait to bask in my newborn baby and dress them in sweet little outfits and meet other mums and go out for coffee whilst my baby blissfully slept in their pushchair, it sounded ideal. I couldn't wait to meet my baby for the first time and feel that instant love and pure joy when you finally get to see them but it didn't exactly go like that the midwife showed me baby Alice and I looked at her and thought, is that my baby? And to be quite truthful I thought she was gross (anyone who says their baby looks cute the second they are born are probably lying) and thats when the panic set in. I am now responsible for this baby for the next however many years and it scared me it really did. Don't get me wrong I loved her with everything I had but when I had a baby I don't think I quite realised how hard it was going to be. 

It doesn't matter if your a single mum, single dad, a couple or living with your family no matter who you are the first few weeks of parenthood are the hardest and no one can prepare you for it. You feel like your life has been taken over by this new baby, you can't remember your life before you had a baby. You feel like the soul purpose of your life now is to wash bottles and change nappies. You are constantly exhausted and all your baby seems to do is cry, you start to question if your good enough for them. You feel like a failure. All you want to do is just sleep for 12 hours and block out the world. You feel like nobody understands you and what you are going through. 

The days go on by and day by day you somehow manage to muddle through. Just when you think you are starting to get into a routine and understand your baby something throws you off balance and you are right back to square one feeling like a failure again. You care about your baby its clear to see as you do the necessary things to keep them alive but deep down you feel as though they would be better off without you. You look at your small innocent baby laying there looking at you with such love in there eyes and you think to yourself it doesn't matter how hard it gets you have to keep going  because they need you, so you pick yourself and you carry on. 

4 months in and it hasn't got any easier but at the same time it hasn't got any harder. 4 months ago I thought I couldn't do it and look at me now, I am surviving because I know she needs me and I can't give up on her. So it doesn't matter who you are or how much support you have because I have all the support in the world we are all struggling, some more than others but we are. So before you stare at the mum walking round the supermarket who's child is screaming and judge them just remember that you have no idea how much they are struggling right now, so give them a friendly smile and show them some support. Reach out to a friend who has been quite for a while. Make an effort to see people who have children so they know they are not alone. I am very fortunate to have such a good neighbour who is now my best friend who also has a baby and since become friends we have supported each other in many ways and since then life has got a little bit easier. The most important thing to remember from this though is that it does get better, you are not alone and that you are good enough, don't give up just yet your baby needs you and you need them. 

The Honest Mum

xox

But mummy you can't be ill

So since Alice has been born I have been very fortunate enough to avoid the most dreaded thing that can happen to mum but today it finally happened... I got ill.

Now you may be thinking so what? You are ill everyone gets ill but when you are a mum you do not have time to be ill. You can't be ill when you have a child, there is no going back to bed feeling sorry for yourself and snuggling down watching Netflix, its changing shitty nappies and sterilising bottles whilst your child screams in your ear all day. Alice got up at 3:45am today. Let me repeat that 3:45am. Its like she knew that I was ill and thought I am going to get up ridiculously early today. So there I am sitting in bed watching ten t-rex's in the gym by ABCkidstv (look it up you will not regret it)  with a blocked nose, my throat feels like sandpaper and the day had only just begun. James was leaving for work and I secretly wanted him to stay so he could look after Alice and I could crawl back into bed and die but I knew that wasn't going to happen so I had to just get on and deal with it.

After a few hours of laying in bed suffering ABCkidstv I finally dragged myself out of bed changed Alice's nappy and got her dressed so at least one of us didn't look like a shit tip. As I went to throw nappy in the bin I glanced at the calendar and saw that James grandparents were coming to visit and panicked and ran down stairs (fear not Alice was in her bed safe before you all start calling social services) and the house looked like bomb site. Great.

Several hours later I was lying on my neighbours sofa with Alice, still not dressed and the house was still a mess but I knew I couldn't let them whilst the house looked like this. After 45 minutes of quick tidying and shutting the doors to the bedrooms where I had just shoved all the crap and pulled the doors too so nobody could see I felt worse than ever but there was no time to rest as Alice wanted feeding. Feed over, shitty nappy changed I felt like I could finally sit down and relax but boy was I wrong. Alice was crying uncontrollably for no reason whatsoever and all the while I just wanted to walk away and climb in bed and sleep but I knew I couldn't for Alice. I did many things today such as washing, cleaning and even trying to save bees #BeeEmergency. The day seemed to drag on and finally James arrived home and took over which I was really grateful for, but it got me thinking mums don't have time to be ill unlike dads who take to their bed when their ill but mums just get on with it. I applaud all the single mums who are doing it solo with there kids and when they are ill they have no choice but to get on with it. So heres to all the mums that are ill or have been ill and are just getting on with, one day you will be able to be ill in peace but your kids will be all grown and you'll miss them being tiny and clinging to you so enjoy it while you can even on your bad days.

Love The Honest Mum

xox 

quote of the week: 

'Why the hell are we watching the adverts on a recording' 

You've got a friend in me

Recently I have been spending a lot of time with my next door neighbour which has been really nice, she has a 9 month old little girl who plays with Alice who is 3 months old. I love and hate it, I love it because I have someone to hang out with but also I get to see what I have in store when Alice gets older which at the moment I am not loving after what I've seen!

Since I have been spending more time with her my anxiety has not been so bad, I haven't felt lonely in a long time and I have laughed a lot more. This morning Alice was really screaming so I messaged her and said 'Alice has woken up on the wrong side of the bed' and she instantly replied with 'tea?' so with that I picked up Alice and headed next door in our pj's (which I love because I know she will also be in her pj's so its totally acceptable for me to turn up in cat onesie). When I got round there  a rush of relief hit me, Alice stopped crying and I felt like the day was getting back on track. I drank my tea and we chatted, then I used her shower (because mine is broken and her washing machine is broken so we did an exchange) and we walked to the shop together. Before I started hanging out with neighbour I wouldn't of dreamed of going to the shop because the thought of leaving the house scared me, but since spending time with her I have been to Morrisons, to town and to the corner shop, we've even been out for lunch! I finally feel like my anxiety is subsiding and that I can go places without having a panic attack and honestly it feels great. 

Furthermore sometimes I really struggle with Alice, there are days where she will not stop crying and on one occasion I locked myself in the bathroom for 3 minutes because I couldn't handle it, although these days are very far and few when they do happen it makes me feel like a failure. Living next door to someone who has baby who also has those days has made me feel so much better. I have realised that everyone's children have days like these and sometimes they cannot be prevented. It is nice to know that I am not alone in this and that someone else understands what I am going through. I guess what I am trying to say is that you never know a person, to my neighbour she may not know that I have really bad anxiety and that doing something simple like inviting me round for a cup of tea makes the world of a difference. I don't have many friends but the ones I do have I am very grateful for. So to my neighbour who I know will read this I want to say thanks for all the tea, the laughs, the showers and for also helping out with Alice. Lastly to my neighbour I would just like to quote something a cowboy once famously said you've got a friend in me...

The Honest Mum xox

It's my baby I'll do what I want

Since having Alice I have come to realise that the world and his wife are suddenly all parenting experts. Everyone has an opinion on what I should be doing for my child and it really irritates me. People who don't even have children will pass on comments and I personally feel that it is my child so I will do what I like. Granted most people are just trying to help but sometimes people do not understand that when they poke their noses in sometimes it can hurt.

When you are a mum you are constantly worrying that you are never doing a good enough job for your child and when people judge you and pass on comments about the way you are parenting your child it makes you feel inferior and like you are failing as a mother and nobody should be made to feel like that. I understand that most people do not realise how hurtful their comments can be but especially when you are a first time mum it really knocks your confidence and it makes you question everything you are doing for your baby. Something I have come to realise recently is that no matter what you do people will always have an opinion on what you do, so I do what I feel is best for my child.

In addition I generally find that the people who seem to pass on these comments are people who are older than me and it normally sounds like something like this 'Don't you think you ought to put a blanket on them they'll be cold' or 'Don't leave them on the sofa they'll fall off'. Firstly are you trying to imply that I would let my child freeze to death? Because if so I deserve the worst mother of the year award and secondly they are 2 months old they can't move very far and if they were to somehow magically move to the edge of the sofa and fall off quite frankly i'd be impressed! I think another thing people fail to realise is that a lot of things have changed since they had children so below I have compiled a list of things that you should and shouldn't do in this day an age:

1. Do not let them sleep anyway but on their back because if you force your child to sleep on their back then it reduces the risks of cot death however some babies hate sleeping on back so have fun with months of sleepless nights.
2. Do not share your bed with your baby because you may roll over and squish them also apparently you will have a very clingy toddler but when your baby gets up at 5am for the past week and you are so tired beyond functioning at this point you are willing to try anything,
3. Do not stop sterilising until your baby is at least 1 year old despite the fact from 6 months onwards they sit on the floor and put everything and anything they find on the floor which is probably way worse than not sterilising their bottles. 
4. Do not feed your child food before 6 months because well I am not really sure why? Its just one of those things, don't feed the gremlins after midnight, don't feed the ducks bread and don't feed your child before 6 months. 
5. Do support your babies head for the first year or it will in fact fall off. 
6. Lastly do whatever the hell you like because its your baby.

There are so many rules nowadays when it comes to babies and I struggle to keep up to be honest. Every week their is always something new to be worrying about; like recently someone (who may I add does not even have children) is arguing that we should be asking children's consent to change their nappies. Fuck off. You cannot ask a 1 month old baby 'can I change your nappy' because what are they going to do turn around and 'okay mum sure I consent' they are a baby, I am sure they are just grateful that we are not leaving them sat their in their shit for hours, also I can guarantee if you ask a 2 year old if you can change their nappy it will be firm no so what do you do then? Leave them sitting in shit forever? 

Furthermore this is what I mean by everyone has opinion on how you should do things but everyone else's opinion shouldn't affect the way you bring up your child, you should do what want not what society wants. As Alice gets older I have started to realise that no matter what I do in life someone somewhere who doesn't have children is going to tell me I am doing it all wrong and you know what I am okay with that because its my child and I will do what I want. 

The honest Mum xox 

Lastly I have decided at the end of every blog I am going to add a quote from the week that reflects how my week has gone and this is this weeks quote which I am sure my friend who is most likely reading this will appreciate it so here goes:

'Alice sometimes in life you are going to have to have a dummy that has been stuck to your mums arse because she can't bothered going next door and getting another from the steriliser' 

and thus concludes this week.

Shopping with children

Today I was lucky enough to be able to go food shopping child free. As I was walking around the shop I saw a mum with 4 children, they were crying, they were screaming and everyone was doing what they always do when they see a mum with screaming children they were giving the mum a sympathetic look, you know the look where you feel bad so you make awkward eye contact and kinda half smile as if to say don't worry it will get better even though you know thats a pile of crap and you know full well its only going to get worse. It always baffled me why mums took their children shopping until I had my own baby and I realised that sometimes you have no choice but to take them. Alice is only 3 months old and I already hate taking her, its so hard to walk round Morrison's because Alice is still a baby and people always stop to look and say things like 'she's cute and tiny how much did she weigh?' and things like that. I have now resorted into walking around going 'her name is Alice she is 3 months old she weighed 6lb exactly and yes her feet are cute' Not that I don't mind people stopping and cooing over my baby it gets a bit ridiculous when it takes me an hour to go round a shop to get milk in bread.

At the moment I only have one child and I take my hat off to people who have more than one child and take them shopping because I struggle with Alice. The amount of things you have to take to the shop when you have a baby is crazy, I long for the days where I can just put Alice in the car and go, at the moment I need to get up 3 hours before I need to leave just to prepare for going to the shop. Once I get there it is no walk in the park. Alice normally screams for her bottle just as we get there, then once she is fed she then doesn't want to be put down and when I eventually put her down she normally throws up all over herself nevertheless I carry on. Just as Im half way through my shopping is normally the time she decided's to go for a poo, so I dragged the trolley and myself over to the dark dingy toilets where I clean up a poo-splosion (this is what I call one of those poo's that literally explode everywhere) so I spend another half an hour cleaning that up. Once that traumatic ordeal is over then I can finally resume shopping but by this time I have forgotten half the things I need because I have forgotten my shopping list in the rush of grabbing everything this morning so I wonder aimlessly half asleep as Alice has been up all night, picking up what I think I need only to get home later and realise I brought a load of crap I didn't really need.

Just as I think I am near to finishing my shopping I see a sale in the children's clothes isle and spend another hour picking up cute little outfits for Alice that I know full well she doesn't need and will only wear once but I just can't resist it. I finally get to the tills where I realise I have left all my bags at home and have to buy some more, and I tell myself this time when I pack my shopping I will organise it so it easier to pack away when I get home, then Alice begins to cry again so I think fuck it as I throw my frozen stuff in with the baby clothes. I finally finish packing it all up and throwing it into the trolley when the person on the till tells me how much I've spent and I nearly fall over in shock, how could I of spent that much? (I know deep down its all the baby clothes and chocolate that make it add up) but nonetheless I pull out my card and pray it doesn't get declined. Card approved and off I ago feeling proud of myself for surviving another shopping trip with my baby. As I am leaving another mum is entering with her children and as I walk by I give her a sympathetic look because I know what she has in store. So next time you see a mum walking around the shop and her kids are screaming, don't judge her, don't stare, just give her a look that shows her that you feel for her and you understand because shopping with kids its not easy and I salute you all who dares to take their children shopping.

The honest Mum xox

Mummy I just want you.

Mummy just wants to shower and Mummy wants to brush her teeth. Mummy just wants to sleep for hours and have something to eat. Mummy just wants a glass of wine and have a wee alone, oh please children can you get off Mummy's  phone. Mummy is tired and Mummy is worn and has been since the day you were born. Mummy has cared for you and loved you so dearly, every single day, since the day you were born she did everything for you, she even changed your stinky poo's. She's wiped your tears and held your hand through everything you do, she really would do anything for you. But when you follow mummy around crying for attention, you do not realise how hard it is for mummy to get things done, like clean the dishes and wash your clothes and all the things that follows. Mummy would love to just stop tidying and spend her time with you but mummy hasn't cleaned the house in so long as she's been too busy playing with you. The floors are dirty and the kitchens a mess, you plead oh mummy please help me get dressed. Not right now can't you see mummy's busy just do it yourself, all mummy needs is some time to herself. But mummy I want you to come brush my hair, mummy is busy, but mummy its not fair. All I want is your time and attention, oh mummy oh mummy did I forget to mention, all the while your cleaning the house and I follow you round like a little mouse, our precious time is slipping away and you may not know it but one day, I wont need you to play with me and brush my hair and help me sleep. I will grow up and time will pass us by, oh mummy remember that I wont always be 5. I will grow to be an adult too but mummy right now all I want is you.  So leave the housework and forget the dishes, mummy I have so many wishes but the one wish I really want to come true is the one where I just get to spend time with you.

The Honest Mum xox

Bed time routines

Bed time routines, do they work?

We have just started getting our 3 month into a new bed time routine. So far it seems to be working so I thought I would share it with you all. 

• 5:30pm go upstairs and have a bath
• 5:45pm get dried and dressed ready for bed 
• 6:00pm have a bottle 
• 6:15pm have a cuddle with a dummy, favourite teddy and watch Cebeebies bedtime hour
• 7:00pm have a story 
• 7:15pm go to bed 

Since having my baby all people keep asking me is 'does she sleep through the night yet'. No Margaret she doesn't yet she's only 2 days old, plus she's a baby, babies don't sleep! Well thats what I thought but Alice is a good baby (sorry to those who have babies who don't sleep I know how frustrating it must be when people waltz along and be like I have slept for 12 hours) but generally she sleeps a good amount a night. 

I know for many parents their kids do not sleep through the night for many months sometimes years and I feel for you all walking around like zombie most of the time I really do. Although Alice goes to be fine most nights every night she is still waking up every 5/6 hours so what I want to know is how do you transition to sleeping all the way through the night? 

A lot of people have told me you need to fill her up before bed, this means making sure she is drinking as much milk as she can before bed, however we are really struggling to do that as she will drink about 4/5oz and fall flat out asleep part way through feeding. We have tried everything, it doesn't matter what time we feed her, what position, we even try waking her but nothing works. I am grateful that she sleeps for the time she does but I was wondering if anyone else had ideas of how to get her to sleep through. If you do please leave them in the comments below!

Everyone has different bed time routines and different children of different ages so I am curious to know what your bed time routines are so comment them down below. 

Lastly thank you for reading my post I have also uploaded a new Youtube video please give it a watch its called 'How to swaddle a baby' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZj2USV6gSU&t=2s

The Honest Mum xox

The reality of having children

We've all been there, hiding in our bathroom downing a lukewarm cup of tea and eating as many kit-kats as you can before your tiny human realises that you are gone. 

You've been up since 5am and you've watched Cebeebies, you've played endless games, you've read stories, you've sang songs and all before most people have even got out of bed. Your not sure how your even functioning as your little bundle of joy got up 7 times in the night. You can't remember the last time you drank a cup of tea that is hot or had a wee in peace. Then when your children finally let you have a shower that lasts more 5 minutes you feel like you've been to a 5* spa for the day. Everyone keeps telling you enjoy it while it lasts is goes so fast but to you it feels like it never ends. Everyday the washing pile gets bigger, your bank account gets smaller and your hormones take over. You may have just spent the last 10 minutes scrolling through Instagram looking at peoples holiday pictures, you know the kind where they are posing on the beach in a bikini and you take one look at yourself (still wearing your maternity jeans even though you had your baby forever ago but who's gonna know right?) and think why can't I look like that, as you shovel in another biscuit for the 10th time today (thats probably why you can still only fit in your maternity jeans).

Motherhood is hard going. Its sleepless nights, endless nappy changes, countless washing and most of all it can be extremely lonely. As you sit there watching Peppa Pig for the 100th time you have completely forgotten what adult company is like. You feel isolated and alone. You feel like no one else understands what its like, but they do. Little do you know in a house down the road there is most likely a mother longing for adult company, also suffering the same mind numbing children's TV programmes. Thats the thing though you two will probably never cross paths. The only time you meet other mums is when you drag yourself down to the local mummy and baby group at the church. You walk courageously down the street saying to your self maybe it will be fine, maybe ill make some friends I can go out for coffee with and moan about our significant others as we drink a latte and eat cake. 

As soon as you walk in all eyes are on you (especially if you have a newborn). You hover awkwardly hoping someone will reach out to you but yet they don't. You scan the room. You have your dads standing in the corner talking about football, you have the mums who have known each other from secondary school in the other corner talking about past times and then you have that group of mums in the corner, the ones you envy. The ones you are secretly hoping  let you join their little click. You know the ones I mean that drive Range Rovers and turn up in their gym clothes looking fabulous. I mean who even has time to work out when they have kids, I barley have time to brush my teeth. Then theres me who stumbles in with a mum bun, a pair of leggings I have worn too many days in a row (how many days can oneself wear the same pair of leggings for? As I think I have set a new record) covered in baby sick. You stay until the end to be polite and then you make a run for the door and think thank god thats over that was pretty shit. 

You return home and look at the mess everywhere. You look at the sink full of dishes, you attempt the mass of laundry overflowing in the wash bin. Then you hear your child says 'mummy i'm getting out the Lego' and think why the Lego of all things? Because you know full well they are going to empty the whole box on the floor and then say they need 'help' to tidy it all up when in reality you will end up doing it by yourself. At that point its when you admit defeat. You think fuck it. You get changed into your onesie, you take off your make up and let down your hair. You forget about the house work. You forget about everything and you sit down and watch your little one playing. You begin to smile. You created this life and you never knew how much you could love a little tiny human... And then they say 'mummy I have wee'd myself' and you think to yourself you little shit. 

After what feels like centuries your partner finally comes home. You feel a weight lifted off your shoulders. Your child runs towards them excitedly and gives no shits for you now the 'fun' parent is home. You collapse in a heap on the sofa and you partner walks in and said what have you done today ? Looking at all the mess and thats when you say 'I don't actually know but i'm exhausted...'

The Honest Mum xox