Happy holidays or holiday from hell?

Ah holidays, the thing we look forward too all year long. We count down the days, go holiday shopping and dream of laying on the beach, sun in our faces without a care in the world. However this year our holiday was nothing like that.

Picture this, its 100 degree's, 4 adults and 3 children aged 4 months old, 7 years old and 10 years old set off on holiday at 4am, one car and one van because we have that much stuff we had to rent a van. After several hours and stopping to let my niece be sick in a lay by we arrive at Haven holiday park in Hastings where the 7 of us will live in close quarters for the next 7 days in a caravan. It sounds like a nightmare doesn't 7 people living on top of each other 2 toilets and one tv. Myself and James had the double bedroom, my two nieces shared one room, my mum and Alice shared another and my brother slept in the lounge.

The first day when we arrived it was only half pasted 7 in the morning so nothing was open not even reception so we decided to all head down to the beach in Hastings, my two nieces extremely excited to be on holiday blowing up their rubber rings to go in the sea. Alice was not all that happy as she had been up since 3am and was sick of being in the car. We parked up, grabbed everything but the kitchen sink and set up camp on the beach. My nieces were unhappy as there was no sand on the beach only stones so they couldn't build any sandcastles however we still had fun and even Alice went for a dip in the sea but she was not impressed! After arguing for several minutes with my nieces about putting on sun cream we were finally ready for some fun in the sun. After some gentle persuasion I even managed to get James to come in the sea which is rarity and where he shortly after got stung by a jellyfish, just his luck! My nieces then decided they no longer wanted to swim in the jellyfish infested waters so we packed up all our things and headed back to the campsite.

By the time we got back to the campsite the pool was now open so we went to reception to get our passes and decided to go for a swim. When we arrived at the pool it was your typical british holiday scene, both the indoor and outdoor pool were packed like sardines, there was no where to sit and it was really loud and noisy. After spending a few hours in the pool finally our caravan was ready. We went in and relaxed for the rest of the day whilst my younger niece decorated her's and her cousins bedroom with cat things because she is cat mad, she brought everything but the kitchen sink I kid you not she even brought a cat draught excluder!

The first night went well and Alice slept all the way through because she was exhausted, my nieces got up super early which came back to bite us later in the day when they were very tired and moody later that night. That night we decided to go down to the kids entertainment but Alice stayed at the caravan with James as she would of hated, neither of my nieces would join in and wanted to go in the arcade more than anything!

The rest of the holiday flew by and before we knew it we were on our way home, stuck in traffic, Alice had pooed and I had sang baby shark the 100th time whilst my nieces argued over the name of an Abba song and our holiday had come to an end!

Would I do it again? Questionable. I feel that Alice was a little too young to go on holiday and struggled with the change in routine. I know she wont remember it but James and I will and one day when she's older we will tell all about her first holiday and how much of a nightmare it was. Looking back at it now it was a nightmare but was also a lot of fun, I haven't documented it all in this post just  a few of things that happened but I just wanted to share with you all some memories of Alice's first holiday!

Love The Honest Mum 

xox 

You are not alone

Having a baby is one of the most life changing journeys you will ever embark on and it doesn't matter what age you are nothing can quite prepare you for parenthood.

When I found out I was having a baby I was happy and scared at the same time, I couldn't wait to bask in my newborn baby and dress them in sweet little outfits and meet other mums and go out for coffee whilst my baby blissfully slept in their pushchair, it sounded ideal. I couldn't wait to meet my baby for the first time and feel that instant love and pure joy when you finally get to see them but it didn't exactly go like that the midwife showed me baby Alice and I looked at her and thought, is that my baby? And to be quite truthful I thought she was gross (anyone who says their baby looks cute the second they are born are probably lying) and thats when the panic set in. I am now responsible for this baby for the next however many years and it scared me it really did. Don't get me wrong I loved her with everything I had but when I had a baby I don't think I quite realised how hard it was going to be. 

It doesn't matter if your a single mum, single dad, a couple or living with your family no matter who you are the first few weeks of parenthood are the hardest and no one can prepare you for it. You feel like your life has been taken over by this new baby, you can't remember your life before you had a baby. You feel like the soul purpose of your life now is to wash bottles and change nappies. You are constantly exhausted and all your baby seems to do is cry, you start to question if your good enough for them. You feel like a failure. All you want to do is just sleep for 12 hours and block out the world. You feel like nobody understands you and what you are going through. 

The days go on by and day by day you somehow manage to muddle through. Just when you think you are starting to get into a routine and understand your baby something throws you off balance and you are right back to square one feeling like a failure again. You care about your baby its clear to see as you do the necessary things to keep them alive but deep down you feel as though they would be better off without you. You look at your small innocent baby laying there looking at you with such love in there eyes and you think to yourself it doesn't matter how hard it gets you have to keep going  because they need you, so you pick yourself and you carry on. 

4 months in and it hasn't got any easier but at the same time it hasn't got any harder. 4 months ago I thought I couldn't do it and look at me now, I am surviving because I know she needs me and I can't give up on her. So it doesn't matter who you are or how much support you have because I have all the support in the world we are all struggling, some more than others but we are. So before you stare at the mum walking round the supermarket who's child is screaming and judge them just remember that you have no idea how much they are struggling right now, so give them a friendly smile and show them some support. Reach out to a friend who has been quite for a while. Make an effort to see people who have children so they know they are not alone. I am very fortunate to have such a good neighbour who is now my best friend who also has a baby and since become friends we have supported each other in many ways and since then life has got a little bit easier. The most important thing to remember from this though is that it does get better, you are not alone and that you are good enough, don't give up just yet your baby needs you and you need them. 

The Honest Mum

xox