But mummy you can't be ill

So since Alice has been born I have been very fortunate enough to avoid the most dreaded thing that can happen to mum but today it finally happened... I got ill.

Now you may be thinking so what? You are ill everyone gets ill but when you are a mum you do not have time to be ill. You can't be ill when you have a child, there is no going back to bed feeling sorry for yourself and snuggling down watching Netflix, its changing shitty nappies and sterilising bottles whilst your child screams in your ear all day. Alice got up at 3:45am today. Let me repeat that 3:45am. Its like she knew that I was ill and thought I am going to get up ridiculously early today. So there I am sitting in bed watching ten t-rex's in the gym by ABCkidstv (look it up you will not regret it)  with a blocked nose, my throat feels like sandpaper and the day had only just begun. James was leaving for work and I secretly wanted him to stay so he could look after Alice and I could crawl back into bed and die but I knew that wasn't going to happen so I had to just get on and deal with it.

After a few hours of laying in bed suffering ABCkidstv I finally dragged myself out of bed changed Alice's nappy and got her dressed so at least one of us didn't look like a shit tip. As I went to throw nappy in the bin I glanced at the calendar and saw that James grandparents were coming to visit and panicked and ran down stairs (fear not Alice was in her bed safe before you all start calling social services) and the house looked like bomb site. Great.

Several hours later I was lying on my neighbours sofa with Alice, still not dressed and the house was still a mess but I knew I couldn't let them whilst the house looked like this. After 45 minutes of quick tidying and shutting the doors to the bedrooms where I had just shoved all the crap and pulled the doors too so nobody could see I felt worse than ever but there was no time to rest as Alice wanted feeding. Feed over, shitty nappy changed I felt like I could finally sit down and relax but boy was I wrong. Alice was crying uncontrollably for no reason whatsoever and all the while I just wanted to walk away and climb in bed and sleep but I knew I couldn't for Alice. I did many things today such as washing, cleaning and even trying to save bees #BeeEmergency. The day seemed to drag on and finally James arrived home and took over which I was really grateful for, but it got me thinking mums don't have time to be ill unlike dads who take to their bed when their ill but mums just get on with it. I applaud all the single mums who are doing it solo with there kids and when they are ill they have no choice but to get on with it. So heres to all the mums that are ill or have been ill and are just getting on with, one day you will be able to be ill in peace but your kids will be all grown and you'll miss them being tiny and clinging to you so enjoy it while you can even on your bad days.

Love The Honest Mum

xox 

quote of the week: 

'Why the hell are we watching the adverts on a recording' 

You've got a friend in me

Recently I have been spending a lot of time with my next door neighbour which has been really nice, she has a 9 month old little girl who plays with Alice who is 3 months old. I love and hate it, I love it because I have someone to hang out with but also I get to see what I have in store when Alice gets older which at the moment I am not loving after what I've seen!

Since I have been spending more time with her my anxiety has not been so bad, I haven't felt lonely in a long time and I have laughed a lot more. This morning Alice was really screaming so I messaged her and said 'Alice has woken up on the wrong side of the bed' and she instantly replied with 'tea?' so with that I picked up Alice and headed next door in our pj's (which I love because I know she will also be in her pj's so its totally acceptable for me to turn up in cat onesie). When I got round there  a rush of relief hit me, Alice stopped crying and I felt like the day was getting back on track. I drank my tea and we chatted, then I used her shower (because mine is broken and her washing machine is broken so we did an exchange) and we walked to the shop together. Before I started hanging out with neighbour I wouldn't of dreamed of going to the shop because the thought of leaving the house scared me, but since spending time with her I have been to Morrisons, to town and to the corner shop, we've even been out for lunch! I finally feel like my anxiety is subsiding and that I can go places without having a panic attack and honestly it feels great. 

Furthermore sometimes I really struggle with Alice, there are days where she will not stop crying and on one occasion I locked myself in the bathroom for 3 minutes because I couldn't handle it, although these days are very far and few when they do happen it makes me feel like a failure. Living next door to someone who has baby who also has those days has made me feel so much better. I have realised that everyone's children have days like these and sometimes they cannot be prevented. It is nice to know that I am not alone in this and that someone else understands what I am going through. I guess what I am trying to say is that you never know a person, to my neighbour she may not know that I have really bad anxiety and that doing something simple like inviting me round for a cup of tea makes the world of a difference. I don't have many friends but the ones I do have I am very grateful for. So to my neighbour who I know will read this I want to say thanks for all the tea, the laughs, the showers and for also helping out with Alice. Lastly to my neighbour I would just like to quote something a cowboy once famously said you've got a friend in me...

The Honest Mum xox

It's my baby I'll do what I want

Since having Alice I have come to realise that the world and his wife are suddenly all parenting experts. Everyone has an opinion on what I should be doing for my child and it really irritates me. People who don't even have children will pass on comments and I personally feel that it is my child so I will do what I like. Granted most people are just trying to help but sometimes people do not understand that when they poke their noses in sometimes it can hurt.

When you are a mum you are constantly worrying that you are never doing a good enough job for your child and when people judge you and pass on comments about the way you are parenting your child it makes you feel inferior and like you are failing as a mother and nobody should be made to feel like that. I understand that most people do not realise how hurtful their comments can be but especially when you are a first time mum it really knocks your confidence and it makes you question everything you are doing for your baby. Something I have come to realise recently is that no matter what you do people will always have an opinion on what you do, so I do what I feel is best for my child.

In addition I generally find that the people who seem to pass on these comments are people who are older than me and it normally sounds like something like this 'Don't you think you ought to put a blanket on them they'll be cold' or 'Don't leave them on the sofa they'll fall off'. Firstly are you trying to imply that I would let my child freeze to death? Because if so I deserve the worst mother of the year award and secondly they are 2 months old they can't move very far and if they were to somehow magically move to the edge of the sofa and fall off quite frankly i'd be impressed! I think another thing people fail to realise is that a lot of things have changed since they had children so below I have compiled a list of things that you should and shouldn't do in this day an age:

1. Do not let them sleep anyway but on their back because if you force your child to sleep on their back then it reduces the risks of cot death however some babies hate sleeping on back so have fun with months of sleepless nights.
2. Do not share your bed with your baby because you may roll over and squish them also apparently you will have a very clingy toddler but when your baby gets up at 5am for the past week and you are so tired beyond functioning at this point you are willing to try anything,
3. Do not stop sterilising until your baby is at least 1 year old despite the fact from 6 months onwards they sit on the floor and put everything and anything they find on the floor which is probably way worse than not sterilising their bottles. 
4. Do not feed your child food before 6 months because well I am not really sure why? Its just one of those things, don't feed the gremlins after midnight, don't feed the ducks bread and don't feed your child before 6 months. 
5. Do support your babies head for the first year or it will in fact fall off. 
6. Lastly do whatever the hell you like because its your baby.

There are so many rules nowadays when it comes to babies and I struggle to keep up to be honest. Every week their is always something new to be worrying about; like recently someone (who may I add does not even have children) is arguing that we should be asking children's consent to change their nappies. Fuck off. You cannot ask a 1 month old baby 'can I change your nappy' because what are they going to do turn around and 'okay mum sure I consent' they are a baby, I am sure they are just grateful that we are not leaving them sat their in their shit for hours, also I can guarantee if you ask a 2 year old if you can change their nappy it will be firm no so what do you do then? Leave them sitting in shit forever? 

Furthermore this is what I mean by everyone has opinion on how you should do things but everyone else's opinion shouldn't affect the way you bring up your child, you should do what want not what society wants. As Alice gets older I have started to realise that no matter what I do in life someone somewhere who doesn't have children is going to tell me I am doing it all wrong and you know what I am okay with that because its my child and I will do what I want. 

The honest Mum xox 

Lastly I have decided at the end of every blog I am going to add a quote from the week that reflects how my week has gone and this is this weeks quote which I am sure my friend who is most likely reading this will appreciate it so here goes:

'Alice sometimes in life you are going to have to have a dummy that has been stuck to your mums arse because she can't bothered going next door and getting another from the steriliser' 

and thus concludes this week.